{"id":578,"date":"2021-06-27T09:48:24","date_gmt":"2021-06-27T09:48:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/zoeknightcoaching.co.uk\/?p=578"},"modified":"2021-06-27T21:05:30","modified_gmt":"2021-06-27T21:05:30","slug":"letting-go-of-unwanted-emotions-and-false-beliefs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zoeknightcoaching.co.uk\/letting-go-of-unwanted-emotions-and-false-beliefs\/","title":{"rendered":"Letting Go Of Unwanted Emotions and False Beliefs"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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When you are in the \u2018seat of consciousness\u2019, you get to witness your emotions.<\/h2>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t
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How do you \u2018let go\u2019?<\/h2>

\u00a0<\/p>

You hear about it and read about it all the time. Letting go- of emotions, of fears, of \u2018limiting beliefs\u2019 (Note:<\/strong>\u00a0you won\u2019t be aware they are limiting beliefs; to you they are just beliefs until you realise that they are what have been limiting you!), of negative thought patterns, anything that is holding you back and keeping you stuck.\u00a0<\/p>

A comment on one of my social media posts the other day made me realise that yes, people are aware of this wonderful notion – that to move forward we need to let go of those things – but actually identifying what they are and then how you actually go about the \u2018letting go\u2019 of them is another thing. That can be complicated. So I said I would address that particular point! Are you ready?!<\/p>

\u00a0<\/h3>

How to identify those beliefs you need to let go of.<\/h3>

\u00a0<\/p>

As I have mentioned, we are not aware that a particular thought or belief is holding us back until our discomfort is so much that it pushes our awareness to wake up and start paying attention!!! A belief is something that we accept as truth, without evidence. That is why they can have so much of a hold over us. If we believe it to be true why would we question it?\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Well, if you are feeling stuck, then now is time to question things! It starts with awareness. Being aware that you are feeling stuck, feeling like you are \u201cwading through treacle\u201d, that you \u201ccan\u2019t see the wood for the trees\u201d, that there is a\u201d fog that you can\u2019t see through\u201d- all of these things are regularly said by my clients to describe that feeling of being stuck and not being able to move forward. The lucky thing is, if you are feeling that way, you will quickly become aware of it! So the awareness will come to you anyway because of how you are feeling, and that is the first step done! Hurrah.\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/h3>

Once you are aware of this feeling, then you need to start asking questions.\u00a0<\/h3>

\u00a0<\/p>

Imagine you are a detective trying to gather as much detail as possible on the crime. The crime is you being stuck and all the unpleasant feelings that come along with that: frustration, sadness, guilt, anger, deflation, fear and so on. So you question these feelings.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Top tip:<\/strong>\u00a0try not to ask yourself why questions- a why question makes us feel defensive, like we have to justify ourselves and because our brain has a job to do it will go and find you answers.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0For example if you ask \u2018why am I feeling stuck?\u2019 then your brain will go and find you lots of reasons to support why you might feel that way, and they might not be helpful. They might be beliefs again: \u201cbecause you don\u2019t know what you are doing\u201d, \u201cbecause you aren\u2019t clever enough\u201d, \u201cbecause you aren\u2019t cut out for running a business\u201d. So ask yourself open questions that start with what, when, where, how, who. \u201cWhat is making me feel stuck?\u201d might sound similar, but it is softer and will bring you different answers. \u201cWhere is that feeling coming from?\u201d \u201cWhen did I start feeling like that?\u201d \u201cHow could I feel differently?\u201d \u201cWho could I learn from?\u201d \u201cWhere can I get some help?\u201d These are just some examples of questions you can use.\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Top tip:<\/strong>\u00a0Write down your answers. Ask the question in your mind and allow the answers to free flow on to paper. The act of writing your answers down can really help them to stop circulating in your head. Getting them out and seeing them in writing helps to organise the thoughts and highlights what stories you might be telling yourself and what narrative you might be following.\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/h3>

Keep asking. Keep digging.<\/h3>

\u00a0<\/p>

It can be tough to get to the core belief, but by asking lots of questions you will get there, and when you do, you will know. It will probably hit you like a big realisation. We call these \u2018aha\u2019 moments!\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Top tip:<\/strong>\u00a0Ask this great question to each thought you discover- \u201cIs this a fact or is this a belief?\u201d and\/or \u201cWhose thought is this?\u201d This will really help to uncover which beliefs (and who\u2019s they are) you have been repeating as truths and shine some light on them.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

So you have been a really good detective, you have asked lots of open questions and you have fact checked the answers.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/h2>

\u200dWhat now?<\/h3>

\u00a0<\/p>

You have the unhelpful belief, fear, thing that is holding you back. You know what it is. Great. How on earth do you let it go? You have been nurturing this baby for years!!!\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/h3>

Okay- here is the answer which is both really simple and really hard all at the same time.<\/h3>

\u00a0<\/p>

You simply choose to let it go. That is it! Ta dar!<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Now I know that it really isn\u2019t that easy to do, or certainly doesn\u2019t feel that easy to do and this is where I will say some things that some people won\u2019t like to hear, but ultimately yes, it is as simple as choosing to let it go.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Some people don\u2019t like to hear this next bit because it means taking full responsibility; for how you are feeling, for where you are, for why things are not as you would like them to be. When I suggest that it is not down to anyone else, that can feel tough. Especially when it comes to situations where people are in a certain place because of something that happened TO them. I am not saying there is no \u2018fault\u2019 but I am saying that you are responsible for right now. You might not have been in control of everything that has happened to you, but you do get to choose where you put your focus and how you move forward.\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Specifically for this post we are talking about holding on to certain emotions, fears, perhaps blame and other emotions that are keeping you stuck where you are.\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

However, look at the flip side of that- if you are wholly responsible, it means you are in charge!\u00a0You<\/strong>\u00a0get to decide where you want to be and\u00a0you<\/strong>\u00a0get to get you there because\u00a0you<\/strong>\u00a0make the decisions. And those decisions include letting go of the \u2018stuff\u2019 that is holding you back.\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/h3>

So back to the \u2018how\u2019 of doing that.<\/h3>

\u00a0<\/p>

I know that there is going to be some resistance showing up to the fact that I say it is a choice. Stay with me for a moment. Yes it is a choice, but it is not a one-off choice. You do not decide to let it all go and puff, it is gone. It takes work. Building a continuous habit to consciously choose to let it go and this will take a different amount of time depending on how long you have been holding on to each particular thought\/belief.\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

In his book The Untethered Soul, (which is fabulous by the way and a must read if you are interested in understanding \u2018who\u2019 we really are!)\u00a0 Michael Singer talks about being in the \u2018seat of disturbance\u2019 and the \u2018seat of consciousness\u2019. When we are in the \u2018seat of disturbance\u2019 that is when we are drowning in those painful or negative thoughts and emotions. Being consumed by them. Repeating stories in our head. Giving them our time, attention and focus. We keep them alive by giving them our focus and we cannot let them go when we are there.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/h3>

“Feed me Seymour!”<\/h3>

\u00a0<\/p>

It sort of reminds me of Audrey II from Little Shop of Horrors who feeds off the blood and flesh of humans. (Am I showing my age?!) The plant, being the main feature of the show, gets so much attention and grows bigger and bigger and ultimately \u2018wins\u2019 (don\u2019t want to give too much away!). Had Seymour (the owner of the plant that kept feeding her) just acknowledged her presence but refused to give in to her demands and feed her, she would have eventually withered and gone. The more he chose to ignore her the smaller she would have become and the easier to ignore until she was no more.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Perhaps that was a stretch for a comparison, but you get my point. Our thoughts can demand our attention like that. Sometimes they can be so loud it can be nearly impossible to ignore them. In those moments you have an Audrey II in your head!\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

You might be thinking, \u201cI am not consumed by these thoughts all the time, they just crop up occasionally\u201d. Well that is great! However any time you are with those thoughts, those little voices in your head, that is when you are in the \u2018seat of disturbance\u2019. You might not realise you were there until you come out of it. It is like when you are watching a film at the cinema (remember that?!) and you get so absorbed in the movie that you forget your surroundings. That is what happens when you join your thoughts. You don\u2019t realise you are not consciously aware of your surroundings (out of your \u2018seat of consciousness\u2019) until the lights come back on and you realise that you weren\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/h3>

When you are in the \u2018seat of consciousness\u2019, you get to witness your emotions.<\/h3>

\u00a0<\/p>

You see them for what they are, thoughts, feelings, false beliefs. You acknowledge them and allow them but you choose to let them pass. To flow through you instead of getting stuck within you. You are aware of them as they come and go, but you make a conscious decision not to join them.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

All the thoughts and feelings we have are completely normal and absolutely okay to feel. That is the experience of being human. However all those thoughts and feelings are just experiences in themselves, they are not \u2018us\u2019. Although it might sound odd, it would be more accurate to say \u201cI am experiencing sadness\u201d or \u201cI am experiencing fear\u201d than it is to say \u201cI am sad\u201d or \u201cI am afraid\u201d. It removes you from the attachment of that emotion and therefore the hold that it could have on you because experiences come and go, they do not linger.\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

Exploring the truths of who we are and consciousness and so on may be more than what you were expecting to read from a blog about letting go, however it does help to understand that we are just experiencing human thoughts and feelings but they are not who we are. We can be whoever we want to be. When you step back and observe your thoughts and, that key word again, are\u00a0aware<\/strong>\u00a0of what they are and accept them for just that, thought experiences and feeling experiences, then we are free to make that choice of letting them go.\u00a0<\/p>

\u00a0<\/h3>

It can feel uncomfortable letting stuff go.<\/h3>

\u00a0<\/p>

Especially if we have held onto that ‘stuff’ for a long time. If we\u00a0have<\/strong>\u00a0been holding onto something for a long time, then it can take a while to be able to fully let it go. All we do is, each time we become aware that we are thinking of it, from our seat of consciousness, realising that we are giving it our time and attention again, we make the choice to let it go right there and then. The more we do it the easier it becomes and the quicker we do it with a new \u2018limiting\u2019 thought and belief the less we will need to do it before it is completely gone.<\/p>

\u00a0<\/p>

To summerise that rather long explanation:\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>