When we judge another person, what we are really doing is hurting ourselves. Judging others does not make us feel good. Deep down, on a cellular level, we know that we are all connected, we know that judgement is a low vibration and we know that everyone is doing their best. 

Conditioning can make us forget this innate wisdom.

Depending on our upbringing, judgement can be a huge part of our identity. For some, a comment here and there has become as natural as taking a breath. No intention behind it and the innate recognition that it isn’t helpful is so suppressed it is as though it doesn’t exist. 

For others, you are aware that it doesn’t feel good but can’t help doing it sometimes. That will be because no one is immune to the conditioning and programming we have all been subjected to at one level or another. Magazines with photoshopped images leading us to believe what looks good and what doesn’t. Rules we unquestioningly follow depending on our culture, our religion, our government. 

Our own values play a huge part in this also.

Our values, whether we are aware of them or not, drives our behaviours, actions and reactions. If something goes against our values it can feel like a personal attack and this is often when we get triggered. Our values, however, are formed by our beliefs, which are formed by our experiences and our environment- our conditioning! 

This might sound like we are doomed to remain in the cycle of judging and bad feeling, but there are things we can do to reduce this. 

Firstly, acknowledge that everyone judges and not all judgement is bad. Judgement is part of being human and in fact it is key to our survival.

A first impression is a judgement.

We all make them. It might just be picking up on a feeling, though often that feeling is formed through subtle visual clues that we have subconsciously picked up. This can be related to how someone looks, how they move, talk, even how they smell (if you get that close!) 

If people look, sound, feel familiar then we will warm to them. Familiarity is safety. For example if someone is from a similar area to where you grew up, instantly we have built some connection. If there is a physical representation of a connection, for example a branded t-shirt of your favourite band, that is a cue to you that they are ‘good’ people. They appreciate what you appreciate. If however it was a t-shirt of a band that you hated, you would make a different judgement. Our brains straightaway go off making all these connections. 

The reason I say this isn’t always a bad thing, is because we relied on these instant judgments and picking up on these subconscious cues to make potential life and death decisions. I am talking way back when homosapians were carving the way to the world we live in now. Get that judgement wrong, you might end up as someone’s dinner! Literally! 

So judgement is there, within us, and that is fine. As evolved beings, what we need to recognise and appreciate, is that now, in this modern world, there is much we have been trained to fear, trained to question, trained to judge. If someone doesn’t conform to our way of thinking that makes them wrong, however this is no longer life and death. This is simply a preference, a choice of a way to live. To dress. To act. To work. 

With so much freedom, it has brought confusion to the primitive lines of right and wrong. Safety and survival.  Life and death. Sometimes, when you see or hear the reactions of people to those that differ in opinion, you would be correct in thinking that it sounded like it should be life and death.

Then we remember.

We have that inkling of awareness. Our reaction is not necessary and not beneficial. To anyone. 

There lies the key. To release and let go of judgement, we first need to become aware. Aware that we are doing it. Aware of that innate discomfort when we do do it. 

When we become aware, we can bring our conscious attention to it and have the opportunity to do something about it. We can question it. Question ourselves. But what do we need to question? 

We need to question all of it.

Why does it matter? What does this say about me? (Judging others always comes from something within us. This might be an insecurity, a triggered value, a need to be right or better than someone.) Where does that feeling come from? How do I feel about this judgement I have? How can I benefit from letting this go? How will it feel to be free from this? 

You see, ultimately, letting go of judgement is the path to inner peace. To living a more peaceful life. The way other people conduct themselves is not your concern. The way that YOU conduct yourself is. The way that other people live their lives is for them to decide. Other people’s lives, decisions, anything at all- is not your business. Your life is your business. 

The beauty of that, is that guess what- you have control over your life. So you can make the changes you want. It is far easier than trying to control, Influence or critique someone else’s. You might not have control over everything that happens to you. Of course there are events out of your control. However you ALWAYS have a choice on how you respond to what is happening to or around you. That is where your power is. 

You will get angry with other peoples actions again. You will judge others. You are human after all. However the more that you notice when you are making judgements and start questioning it, the more you see the value in letting it go and are able to shift your focus back to you, the more you will notice how much more peaceful your life feels. 

Letting go of judgement is letting go of drama.

It takes time, but oh, is it worth it! So practice becoming aware. This is the same for judging yourself. There is no benefit there. Catch all your thoughts. When it is directed both inwards and outwards. Ask yourself why it really matters and remind yourself of the peace of letting it go. And then let that thought go! Move on to another. A thought is just a thought at the end of the day. They only gain power when we give them time and attention. Create stories with them. Decide that they are important. Remember, you get to decide which ones are important. 

You have more control than you think you do, it simply starts with becoming more aware.

Will you start today?